How Much Information is Too Much Information?

As an adoptive parent, especially one who has adopted an “older” child, I feel like I have been on a continual journey to not only help my child, but understand him. While many perspective parents search for infants, there are those of us who simply want a child no matter the age (by the way . . . kudos to all adoptive parents). And while going through the adoptive process, we live in a sort of blissful state imagining that the new member to our family will bring nothing but joy and we will ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

HAULT!!!

I’m sure there are many families who receive well adjusted children who adapt into their new environments easily and effortlessly. However, the reality is that often these children have suffered horrific traumas . . . hence; they would not be in a foster care system or in various shelters.

So, now we have moved past the honeymoon phase and it is time to face the reality that we have children who are broken. What I mean by that term is that their spirits are broken. They were not provided the opportunity of loving and nurturing parents; something that most people take for granted and also expect as a right. These children come into our homes and we suddenly discover that we are not equipped to deal with their needs. There are two ways of coping. Either we let the situation control our lives or we figure out a way to help the child by educating ourselves.

Once I realized that our family was in dire need of assistance, I began to read whatever I could get my hands on. There were books and journals I found on my own and those that various experts recommended. But, how much information is too much information? Sometimes I feel like I’m on information overload. Aside from our regularly scheduled therapeutic appointments (in which I highly recommend), I have read several books on child rearing and behavior. One book tells you to parent your child in a certain way, while others provide a complete contradiction. There are those books that I absolutely live by and those that are so vague that they don’t quite address our specific needs.

Another genre that I have explored is books on spirituality. I have found that there are certain practices designed for adults to help clear the mind and stay focused that are absolutely applicable to children with diagnosis such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Mood Disorder Not otherwise Specified (MD-NOS), and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

What I have discovered during my four and half year journey with my beautiful son is that reading books, journals, and viewing any other form of media intended to assist in raising a healthy child is a lot like going through life. There are certain experiences that offer extremely valuable information and others that supply pieces of information while the rest can be discarded.

Sometimes we make certain attempts in our lives and find that they work great, other times we learn they don’t work so well. Although many of our children who have experienced trauma at an early age display similar behaviors, we certainly know that there is no cookie cutter or fix all situation that applies.

Our family has learned to first and foremost connect with a doctor or therapist who is completely in tune with our child’s needs. Secondly, we are that child’s parents. We live with him day to day and experience the various ups and downs. Sometimes unconventional methods really work.

The bottom line for my child and my family is that no amount of information is ever too much. You just have to sort out the bits of information that is applicable to your specific situation.